Repeat Message

You will now see that as a result of my operations to transport this blog elsewhere it has become somewhat scrambled - all the text formatting has disappeared. So, whether I now like it or not, this is an ex-blog. It is defunct. And something which sounds like that. Go to http://almax.wordpress.com/ for your blog fix

Important Message

for regular visitors Over the last few weeks Blogger has become so unstable and unreliable that it is an ordeal trying to post anything here. In the last few days in particular it has been a nightmare. I have decided to try another blog-host and I have exported this blog to Wordpress which is at http://almax.wordpress.com/ It's very likely that there will be no further posts here, and if you want to see the latest posts go to that new address. It will probably take a wee while for me to sort things out so I won't be posting much for the next few days. For members of this blog, I still haven't figured out how to renew membership at the new location - perhaps I will just allow a free-for-all in relation to comments, but for updates check at the new location.

Poets Walk, Clevedon, Somerset

One of my favourite places in Somerset. In the foreground of this photograph (taken 1935) you can see the pathway called 'Poets Walk', so-called because a number of illustrious 19th century literary figures (including Thackeray) used to come here for solitude and contemplation while walking this path alongside the Bristol Channel. The scene has barely changed since this photograph was taken - Clevedon Pier in the distance has been restored and is still a working pier.

A Guy Decides To Sell His Car On E-Bay

Mistake. Although he gave a very full description and included photographs, the following are just a fraction of his responses to e-mail queries etc about it during the bidding process (click on the heading to see the full thing) :- On 22-Apr-06 at 13:49:33 BST, seller added the following information Ok for the person who came to test drive it and exclaimed "Oh it's Silver - I don't want a Silver one!" Yes it's Silver. Just so that there is no error here The title says it's Silver, the description confirms this and guess what? When you look at the photo's what do you see? Yup you got it. It is indeed Silver. I am so glad that you came to view it, thanks for brightening my day. On 22-Apr-06 at 14:45:39 BST, seller added the following information: Ok a round up of the latest emails: Sorry no swaps or trade-ins - I'm not a garage! Not even a very nice garden shed painted red that I have to dismantle myself, but thanks for the offer. Being registered in 2000 makes it 6 years old...I have never heard of a warranty this long so no it is not under warranty. Yes it is road legal - it's got an Mot! Nope no tax Yes it has a spare wheel. (Have I landed on a different planet or something?) No faults that I know of beyond what's in the description however that's not a promise as I'm not a mechanic and no there is no trial period. Come and try it make your own mind up. If you win you buy. No I don't think that I'm your long lost husband George from Arbroath regardless of how sarcastic I appear to be. It's called humour where I'm from. Personally I think George did the right thing where ever he is. The only finance is: you pay me I give you the car, I'm not a bank! I can't vouch for the other owners but no accidents that I am aware of. Yes you can look at it but no you can't take it for a two day test drive. (I am sure April 1st has gone). Ha ha very funny, no it's not made out of chocolate. (Why me. I get on a train / bus and I get the nutter. I even land the nutty taxi drivers who have just had Paris Hilton in the cab 'honest' - yeh right.). Get a life and start bidding. How do you place a bid?...sorry if this is too complicated for you I tend to think that driving might just be a stretch too far. No it's not left hand drive and your holiday in france and the precise route sounds wonderful. send me a postcard. Arghhh On 22-Apr-06 at 19:45:14 BST, seller added the following information: Ok I think I have become email capital of ebay...a real magnet for wonderful questions: All the seats are present and work, I know that you have counted them in the pictures and can only see 7. There is a very good reason for this...it's a 7 seater. No it's never been raced ...sorry am I missing something here, Auto Galaxy racing???? May be it'll be be a new class at Imola this year - Auto F1 MPV trials. There are no rips or tears to the head lining How the hell do I know if anyone has ever eaten in it. I assume no four course meals but may be the odd hippo pastie. Get a grip. It's not an off road vehicle so I assume it hasn't been used as such...this is an assumption mind you. Oh I see, no dear, 7 seater includes the driver. I can't speak for previous owners, I'm not aware of animals being in it. I suppose a previous owner could have been a zoo keeper or a werewolf. Keep up the emails as there is nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time. have fun and happy bidding. Is it a full moon tonight? On 23-Apr-06 at 12:00:55 BST, seller added the following information: The reason Jerry, that the gear stick is a funny shape is because it's an A U T O M A T I C gear box. Which means that if you do come to look you will find that there is no clutch. It's not missing by the way they just don't need three pedals. Should be just perfect for some as it's just like a pedal car - only two pedals. No it's not like new, Fran, it's 6 years old and done 67,000 + miles with kids. The seats are all fine, except the drivers arm rest as mentioned before. The exhaust appears to be fine. Again no swaps. What is it with people, when I say no swaps please don't take it as a challange. I have been offfered a caravan, 12 cars, 1 lorry, to have my garden landscaped, some rare fish, and I'm sorry but the very kind gent (Donald) who offered me a weekend with his wife (and him it would appear) I have a special message for you. The pictures you sent me of your wife did not, in all honesty help. Some of them looked more like a traffic accident than something that I might remotely find alluring. I am sure that if you set up your own website (assuming that it's not illegal) there will be plenty of sad sacks (many from ebay land going by this experience) who will indulge your (and your wifes) desires. The tyres on the right hand side of the vehicle are not flat. The reason the picture of the rear seats is 'wonky' as you put it, has an awful lot to do with the fact that I was trying to perch myself between the two front seats facing backwards. There was a very interesting hand brake and gear stick threatening to change my gender at that moment. Additionally at the same time, fending off a small child wearing an eye patch and a pirates bandana who was in the process of trying to hack my left leg off with a large plastic knife; a generous donation to family harmony from Santa. The bar you can see in the back is to handcuff the children to.(Joke - don't report me to the RSPCC altough at times....) Its the parcel shelf and can be removed easily. Yes it has privacy glass in the back and your eyes do not deceive you. It's really handy - people can't see inside the back as you transport your clan arround. They should make such glass complusory. Stops you getting a fright on the motorway when you glance sideways into a car as see .... I do wonder about some families. Whimp. Lancaster is not too far to come to look. Try this...bid, win collect. Simple really and it's a lovely train ride. You think writing replies to a zillion questions about this makes car buying fun????? Woha Lisa I think you need to change your friends. Yet again no it's not like new Gavin. Let me put it this way...what would you be like if you have run over 67,000 miles in six years carrying a load of kids (or werewolves)? Got a picture? Good well this car is a miracle. It looks bloody good and far far better than you would after such an event. However new implies without a mark, pristine, no wear...no it's not like new. It's good and it doesn't appear to have been abused like I sense you should be....may be I should introduce you to Donald (see above). For the 34 people who are interested in the tyres. Firstly I am sure that your interest in rubber ...no I can't be bothered, I'm sure Donald and his wife would like to meet you (see above). The tyres are very good. They all look reasonably new. On 24-Apr-06 at 10:42:55 BST, seller added the following information: Heaven help us... Another is it left hand drive? Don't you read or something? If not then I guess this isn't going make a lot of sense then. In which case I guess I can call you anything and you won't know! Nit. Do you think that I have cunningly turned the photo's around to make it just look like a right hand drive vehicle just to fool you???? Give me strength. NO ITS A BLOODY RIGHT HAND DRIVE MPV. On 24-Apr-06 at 13:35:55 BST, seller added the following information: Last few: How fast does it go? Depends on what's in front of you I suppose. It will sit very happily at 90 without even stressing the engine. (On the autobhaan of course, officer). Yes I am a nice bloke really - not had many complaints anyway, why do you ask Amy? Yes it runs on petrol, I am tempted to say I've tried gin and tonics but someone will actually think I mean it. I now understand why car adverts have to include warnings like 'Does not include people and scenery' in them. How do such people get by in life? Do they buy a ticket for the train and think they have a share in the rolling stock?? Yes I like it (The car that is). What sort of question was that Ruth?? It's very stable in cornering. In fact I wish most people were as stable as this MPV. It sits on the road really really well. It really is just like a big car. It is great to drive. Yes Bob the cup holders work. On 24-Apr-06 at 13:38:39 BST, seller added the following information: No Bob the cup holders are not broken or damaged in any way. As I said they work. On 24-Apr-06 at 13:41:05 BST, seller added the following information: Well Bob I just suppose that depends on how big your cups are doesn't it. No I haven't tried them with tins. I Don't drink and drive Bob. On 24-Apr-06 at 13:47:14 BST, seller added the following information: Bob haven't you got work to do or do you find that you have a problem relating to the rest of the human race? What is it with the cup holders? My suggestion is that rather than buying a car you go out and buy a cup holder. It's much safer - trust me. On 24-Apr-06 at 13:51:15 BST, seller added the following information: Thanks Bob and I hope that you have a nice day too. Oh by the way Bob you are now barred from bidding. I figure that the motoring and pedestrian population of Great Britain are safer that way. On 24-Apr-06 at 15:10:48 BST, seller added the following information: Bob sending me an email under a different name won't work either. You are the only person in the world who is even remotely interested in the cup holders and you have misspelled the swear words in exactly the same way as you did in your last email. Nobody and I mean nobody cares about cup holders. Now let me make some predictions Bob and you tell me if I'm right. You collect the numbers of trains at Crewe railway station. You live with your mum even though you are 45. You don't have a girl friend - indeed you might even be a virgin (not that there's anything wrong with that at 45 of course). Your favourite programme on TV is mmmm this is a hard one....got to be one of these inane outake / blooper type programmes or a practical joke programme that darken our culture. You know the kind of thing where a comic pretends to leave you with 15 dogs in the park whilst they go to the loo. That's funny isn't it Bob? You button your shirts right up to the neck even though you don't wear a tie. How am I doing?

ATTENTION Makwuzere - The Aintree Iron Revisited

Some time ago I posted a wee thing about poet Roger McGough, and that led to an exchange of comments about the meaning of 'the Aintree Iron' referred to in the Scaffold song 'Lily the Pink'. My regular correspondent, Makwuzere, asserted that the Aintree Iron was a pub in Liverpool - but this is not the universal view. I recently came across the web-site of the TV programme QI - thoroughly recommended to all smart-arses everywhere - go here http://www.qi.com/ or if that link doesn't work then click the heading of this post. I thought I'd see if anyone there could solve the riddle - here are the relevant postings - no definitive answer for the Aintree Iron but some fascinating info about the medicinal compound, which I am quite sure makwuzere will find very efficacious :- The Aintree Iron almax 72951. Tue Jun 06, 2006 12:23 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As in 'Thank You Very Much For.......' On my weblog recently I wrote a short piece about poet Roger McGough and mentioned in passing his membership of the Scaffold and some of their hits including the above-mentioned lyric. This has resulted in many visitors coming to the blog apparently in search of enlightenment as to who or what 'the Aintree Iron' is or was. One correspondent asserted that it was the Blue Anchor pub in the Aintree area of Liverpool. Others were equally insistent on it being variously (a) a tree (b) Liverpool Football Club (c) Brian Epstein (d) a railway yard (e) an iron foundry (f) an open-air urinal ?? and (g) a horseshoe. I read somewhere (I think in the Guardian) that Mike McGear (aka McCartney) who wrote the lyric claims that it is none of the foregoing. Does anyone have the true answer? Tango 1 72959. Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:24 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It is my understanding that the Aintree Iron is slang. Iron being the abbreviation from "Iron Hoof", cockney rhyming slang for poof. Aintree is a rural area of Liverpool and Aintree Iron is referring to Brian Epstein. I think there are a few sites google throws up that support this. djgordy 72964. Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:41 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the time I understood that the Aintree Iron referred to the Liverpool footballer Ian St. John, though there is nothing I can point to to back this up. Song lyrics don't have to refer to anything and it is possible that the phrase is just a piece of nonsense. After all, nobody actually asks what the medicinal compound invented by Lily the Pink was. samivel 72965. Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:56 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What was the medicinal compound invented by Lily the Pink? suze 72971. Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:08 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lydia Pinkham's Vegetable Compound (introduced 1875) was a patent medicine including a large amount of alcohol. It was supposed to treat PMT, the menopause and other feminine problems - and modern herbalists concede that, at worst, it doesn't make them worse. Indeed, it contained an ingredient called black cohosh which has been shown to have some efficacy in this area. And if it gets you drunk, well I guess you don't notice the ailment so much. Because patent medicines were exempt from the prohibition regime in the USA, they became especially popular at that time. Mike McGear and Roger McGough wrote Lily the Pink as a cleaned up version of an earlier American folk song, The Ballad of Lydia Pinkham. Among the verses they dropped were these two ... Mrs Jones she had no children And she loved them very dear So she took three bottles of Pinkham's Now she has twins every year And Peter Whelan (Peter Whelan) Was sad because he only had one nut Till he took some of Lydia's compound And now they grow in clusters 'round his butt djgordy 72972. Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:08 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What was the medicinal compound invented by Lily the Pink? It was an aqueous solution of dihydrous monoxide._ ________________ So the Dalai Lama smiled and said, "well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?" almax 73149. Wed Jun 07, 2006 11:04 am -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you very much

Jailhouse Rock

I should, of course, have illustrated Bob Dylan's radio show on the theme of jails with this picture of him visiting Ruben Carter in prison in about 1976

The Absolute Game Revisited - Part 39

This is a book review from TAG 25 - October 1991. Obviously, at the time, I thought that my comments were worth recording and the book was sufficiently important to slag it mercilessly. Now I don't understand what either the book or my review are about. It just seems like gibberish. See what you think THIS IS THE (POST) MODERN WORLD Football With Attitude by Steve Redhead - Published by Wordsmith, £7.99 Here are my credentials for reviewing this book: a) I do not know what the word ‘postmodern’ means b) I do not own any records by the Farm, the Happy Mondays or the Stone Roses c) Bobble hats, ski hats, flared trousers, drainpipe trousers, baggy t-shirts, designer trainers, designer haircuts, drainpipe haircuts, baggy haircuts, bobble trainers, flared t-shirts, ski trousers, and drainpipe hats all bore the arse off me d) I have never read The Face. In TAG 3, Stuart Bathgate trashed Mr Redhead's previous offering, ‘Sing When You're Winning’. That particular book was sub-titled "The Last Football Book". As if to fulfil his own prophecy Mr Redhead hasn't bothered to write another one. He's simply changed the names of a few chapter headings, altered the ending, incorporated a fanzine listing, and shat out the same crap again. In his own fantasy world, in which football, pop music and "style" have all somehow become the same thing, he probably sees ‘Sing’ as a seven inch single while ‘Attitude’ is the twelve inch mega-mix. Fair enough, except there's nothing on the book cover to warn punters that Attitude is a dub version of Sing. Not only that, but in a breathtaking display of conceit, a large chunk of the latest book is devoted to reminding readers of just what a masterpiece Sing was. It was so good, in fact, that he's written it again. What is this book about? Search me. Apparently football history consists of three phases. Pre-modern, which existed prior to England's world cup win in 1966. Modern, which paradoxically does not cover the present time, but which allegedly ended at some unspecified time in the 1980’s. And, hey, postmodern, which is the current phase. Presumably we'll soon move on to the hyperpostmodern era. As far as I understand it, Mr Redhead seeks to argue that throughout these phases, football, football players, and football spectators have changed, and that these changes have been related to other dynamic changes in society generally. Wow, this is profound stuff. Apparently the bobble-hatted, drainpipe-trousered, cannabis-puffing, Stone Roses fan, with his WaIkman welded to his ears, has different attitudes and aspirations than his cloth-capped, forelock-tugging, pints of bitter-swilling great-grandfather. You don't say ! Well the trouble is that he does say and he takes two books to say it. And not only that, but he takes his analysis to a ridiculous level by seeking to establish that "pop culture" (specifically pop music) is the single most important motive force behind the movement from "modern" to "postmodern" football. While it is no doubt true that the majority of modern (or should that be postmodern? - it's all so confusing) football fans are steeped in pop culture, it seems to me that most can distinguish between a Happy Mondays album and a relegation battle without much difficulty. Fashion and style are transient. Football does not undergo such dramatic transformations. The game is essentially much the same as it was 100 years ago. To me that is its strength. Why should football pay any attention to cloth-eared knob-heads with crap music taste whose idea of "style" is to dress in exactly the same way as their pals? On the odd occasion when pop culture directly impinges on football it usually contrives to produce some abomination like the freak-out in the paint factory monstrosity of the Scotland/Celtic/Arsenal (fill in the rest yourself) away strips. The only part of this book which is remotely plausible is its discussion of the emergence of fanzines, but even here it misses the point. Most editors, contributors, and readers of fanzines are in it for a bit of a laugh. It's entertainment. It's a mistake to see them as style warriors or as part of some politicised "movement". And the old trick of printing photos of Pat Nevin and quoting him with approval won't work with me. Perhaps it's convenient for Redhead's argument to quote Nevin as saying that he had “never felt anything negative about football fans”. Oh really? How about checking Not the View number 4 to see what Nevin thinks of Rangers fans. Personally I find it quite nauseating the way in which the hip football press fawn over Nevin just because he can read and once bought a Joy Division record. No review would be complete without unfairly lifting a quote completely out of context, so try this from page 103 – “lt has much in common with the process of ‘hyperreality’ described by cultural theorists as diverse as Umberto Eco and Jean Baudrillard. BaudrilIard's notion of hyperreality, the "anticipation of reality by images, the precession of images and media in relation to events” is pertinent to a football culture which is increasingly subject to global media attention”. If you can figure out a) What "It" is and b) What "It" has to do with football, then raid your piggy-bank and get down to your local bookshop with £7.99 straight away. This is the book for you. Otherwise, it seems like a load of Baudrillards to me. Steve Redhead is undoubtedly an intelligent person. He probably has something interesting to say about football, but he hasn't said it yet. To write one bloody awful book may be regarded as a misfortune. To write the same bloody awful book twice looks like carelessness. Avoid.

More Chuck Buk

Hell, even Dylan was quoting ole Chuck on his radio show tonight, "I don't like prisons - they got the wrong kind of bars" Here's another poem for your delight back to the machine gun I awaken about noon and go out to get the mail in my old torn bathrobe. I'm hung over hair down in my eyes barefoot gingerly walking on the small sharp rocks in my path still afraid of pain behind my four-day beard. the young housewife next door shakes a rug out of her window and sees me: "hello, Hank!" god damn! it's almost like being shot in the ass with a .22 "hello," I say gathering up my Visa card bill, my Pennysaver coupons, a Dept. of Water and Power past-due notice, a letter from the mortgage people plus a demand from the Weed Abatement Department giving me 30 days to clean up my act. I mince back again over the small sharp rocks thinking, maybe I'd better write something tonight, they all seem to be closing in. there's only one way to handle those motherfuckers. the night harness races will have to wait.

R.I.P Billy Preston

Well, the blog is becoming like a full-time obituary column. Billy Preston has died in Arizona of kidney failure at the age of 59. Although he had a number of hits in his own name it is for his close association with the Beatles and to a lesser extent with the Rolling Stones that he will be best remembered. In particular his keyboard sound is all over the Beatles last released album, 'Let It Be' and there is a fairly typical coruscating solo decorating the single of the same name. In the Beatles 'Anthology' film there is a fairly fulsome tribute paid to Billy, both aurally and visually, when George Harrison describes the bickering and backbiting Beatles all perking up and behaving themselves when Billy arrived in the studio to help them out. The film from the sessions bears this out as you see the individual Beatles breaking into smiles for the first time in months when Billy comes through the door. None of the four want their guest to think badly of them, so they actually get some work done instead of arguing endlessly. For several years up until recently my wife and I were in the habit of going to see the Bootleg Beatles Edinburgh Christmas shows - one of the recurring jokes in the show is when a young, very white, guy comes out of the orchestra and plays the organ solo on 'Let It Be' - as he returns to the orchestra Beatle 'John' asks the audience to "give a big hand to Billy from Preston". That good-humoured punning gag will never seem so funny again.

Bob Dylan Spends Some Time In Jail

I'm just listening to Bob's latest radio show - the theme this week is jail. Bob quotes from Shakespeare and so far plays records by such as Johnny Cash, Bessie Smith, the Pretenders and Andre Williams ("15, 16, 17 that's jailbait")........ ......and Cannon's Jug Stompers - Prison Wall Blues..... ....and Kenny Lane and the Bulldogs - Columbus Stockade Blues etc Bob has just said, "We're half way through our sentence and there ain't no time off for good behaviour"

My Favourite Books

Number 14 - I Claudius - Robert Graves This is a very obvious one really. You'll see from the cover that my purchase of the book (and its companion 'Claudius the God') was contemporaneous with the (wonderful) BBC television adaptation (circa 1978), with Derek Jacobi magnificent as Claudius. A 'factionalisation' of the most exciting period of the Roman Empire, this book effectively takes the juiciest bits of Suetonius's 'The Twelve Caesars' and spices them up even further to provide the best possible introduction to the decadence and depravity of Imperial Rome. The Emperors whose reigns are dealt with in the book are Augustus Caesar, Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius and Nero. All are fascinating, with Caligula a stand-out both on the written page and on the screen (John Hurt's greatest role?). With unlimited Imperial power came unlimited and loathesome depravity and licentiousness. Lovely jubbly. Graves spares us nothing - love, lust, intrigue, murder, incest, insanity, nymphomania, parricide, fratricide, matricide, anything else ending in -cide, it's all here in spades. Graves spent most of his life on the Mediterranean island of Majorca and he's buried there. Last summer when our tribe were on holiday there we were touring about the island and one day we were up in the mountains near to where Graves lived. I failed in my endeavours to encourage the other philistines to detour off our route to visit this literary landmark. I thus failed to see Graves' grave.

Lobster Fishers, Machrihanish Bay

by William McTaggart 1909

Cricket News

Congratulations to Sri Lanka on a marvellous victory in the 3rd Test at Trent Bridge, to square the series 1-1. A stupendous performance by Muralitharan was the key. Sri Lanka beat England by 134 runs Sri Lanka won the toss and decided to bat Sri Lanka 1st Innings 231 all out (66.2 overs) M J Hoggard 17.0 3 65 2 J Lewis 21.0 3 68 3 L E Plunkett 8.2 1 36 2 A Flintoff 15.0 2 52 3 M S Panesar 5.0 3 3 0 Sri Lanka 2nd Innings 322 all out (113.1 overs) M J Hoggard 22.0 4 71 2 J Lewis 20.0 6 54 0 A Flintoff 13.0 1 38 1 M S Panesar 37.1 13 78 5 L E Plunkett 19.0 2 65 2 K P Pietersen 2.0 0 12 0 England 1st Innings 229 all out (91.1 overs) W P U J C Vaas 26.0 5 71 2 S L Malinga 23.1 3 62 2 M Muralitharan 31.0 10 62 3 S T Jayasuriya 11.0 4 19 2 England 2nd Innings 190 all out (68.5 overs) W P U J C Vaas 9.0 1 28 0 S L Malinga 7.0 0 24 0 M Muralitharan 30.0 10 70 8 S T Jayasuriya 22.5 3 54 1

Don't Try This At Home

Here's a report I read on Yahoo news KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Sunday. "The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said. "A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery." The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an "animal island" protected by thick concrete blocks. Doh !! - if you are going to do this make sure it's not on God's day off !!

Strange But True

At the bottom of the page is a wee logo for 'Site Meter' which enables me (and you) to find out a certain amount of limited information about who visits this blog (eg country of origin - which web-site they came from - any search term used etc). It's very limited (not big brother), but it allegedly helps bloggers to make their blog more attractive to visitors. I was looking at the information a few moments ago - as you know I posted a wee thing about Conan Doyle and the fairies yesterday - in that piece I said that the photographs had been taken by two schoolgirls - well, what do you know, the combination of the words 'photographs' and 'schoolgirls' has brought more interest to this blog in 12 hours than 4 months worth of witty reportage - kicked off by a surfer from IRAN !!!! specifically searching for 'schoolgirls' (apparently his purpose was something to do with improving educational standards for females in modern Persia).

Parliamentary Buzziness

More Broken Arrow

No 53 - November 1993

The Cottingley Fairies

Here's a photograph of a young girl and the fairies at the bottom of her garden, circa 1917. The fairies look real, don't they? Get outta here - your head would have to be well buttoned up the back to go for this. Among those with heads buttoned up the back was the creator of the most admired and revered forensic detective of the 20th or any other century - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle staked his reputation on the authenticity of this photograph and others like it - all taken by two schoolgirls. He threw himself heart and soul into providing absolute proof that the 'little people' existed and the photographs were genuine. As a result, in many circles he became a laughing stock, casually throwing away the enormous reputation gained from the Baker Street chronicles. Even making due allowance for the credulity of a more naive age, it is hard to see how a man of ordinary intelligence, far less the deviser of the great Holmes, could be fooled by such an obvious fake. Click the heading for more information and speculation that Conan-Doyle was right all along and is having the last laugh in fairyland.

Campbeltown Library

I read with some sadness on the Kintyre Community site that the town library and museum is moving from the magnificent (listed) Burnet Building in Hall Street to some new-fangled swimming-pool/multi-purpose affair at Kinloch Park.

Almost inevitably, the Burnet building will be occupied by Argyll council and be turned into a glorified rent-office. Obviously it's many years since I used the library on a regular basis, and things cannot stay the same way forever, but I was quite shocked to see this recent photograph of the area formerly occupied by the children's library - 40+ years ago I stood in this very place excitedly browsing through the Enid Blyton and Just William and Jennings etc books. Now it's all packed up and ready to leave forever.

Truly the end of an era.

Drive Yourself Mad

Big Stanley, I Presume

The Absolute Game Revisited - Part 38

REVIEW (first published in TAG 24 - August 1991) HAMPDEN BABYLON by Stuart Cosgrove, £9.95, Canongate Press £3,000 a week. Hero-worship from males between the ages of 5 and 95. Sexual favours from as many nubile nymphs as you can handle. Free drink in every bar and a ready supply of more exotic substances. If you were a young guy and all this was yours, what would you do ? Unless you're Bobby Charlton or Kenny Dalglish, you'd get whacked out of your brain as often as possible and order up a truckload of Durex, that's what. Unfortunatelv this sort of life-style is reserved for the select few lucky individuals like rock stars, the editor of TAG, and football geniuses. The central theme of Stuart Cosgrove's work is that there is something peculiarly Scottish in drinking, screwing, snorting, punching and pissing away extraordinary football talent. Unfortunately for the book this is manifestly untrue. I call George Best and Diego Maradona as two witnesses among many non-Scots who have contrived to make spectacular arses of themselves. "Hampden Babylon" is sub-titled "Sex and scandal in Scottish football". It is expressly inspired by Kenneth Anger's "Hollywood Babylon". The difference is that while Anger's book genuinely damaged the previously lily-white reputations of numerous film-stars by revealing hitherto unknown sordid details of their private lives, the "Hampden" version merely rehearses familiar tales of drunkenness and debauchery, which, if anything, simply serve to enhance the glamour of the protagonists. Conduct can only be scandalous if the audience are in some way shocked, outraged or revolted by it. If we're being honest, most of us are probably amused rather than outraged when we hear of the Rangers midfield being carted off in the back of a Black Maria after a stramash in a kebab shop. Therefore, despite the sub-title, there is in fact no scandal contained within this book. It's the same problem which afflicted Albert Goldman in his attempted hatchet-jobs on Elvis Presley and John Lennon. Far from being shocked by the revelations, I would have been seriously disappointed if I had found that these two worthies had not spent their time hoovering up vast quantities of illicit substances while naked girls licked strawberry ice-cream off them. Thus with footballers. We expect them to be drunken arseholes. We are not scandalised when our expectations are fulfilled. The first chapter, titled "Round Up the Usual Suspects" gives the game away. Of course, they're all here. Slim Jim, the Law Man, wee Willie, Jinky, the Doc, the Copenhagen 5, Bud, Lou, Champagne Charlie, Mo and Durranty. To a certain extent what follows is a re-tread of all the well-worn anecdotes which we all know by heart, rendered into NME-speak. This is not necessarily a bad thing (I confess that many of my own articles in TAG are an attempt to do the same thing). But it's questionable whether you need to fork out £9.95 to re-live, yet again, Jinky's naval expedition, Bud's pills, Macari's accumulators, Nicholas's attack on a poke of chips, Mo's court appearances. For this reason I found the most interesting chapters to be the ones on Hughie Gallagher (before my time, mate) and racism in Scottish football (including details of the exploits of "Vodka" Vic Kasule). Ultimately, the book is merely an extended and glossy fanzine, which is by no means a criticism. Youngsters wishing a crash course on some of the nutters of yesteryear will find it reasonably amusing. For old lags, however, there just isn't enough sex and scandal, and you may be better advised to spend your money on a subscription to TAG (do I get my ten quid for this, Archie?). The very first chapter recounts an incident where a famous manager enjoyed rampant sex in a TV studio with a well-known TV presenter. Stuart cops out by not revealing their identities. We just have to make inspired guesses. Billy McNeil and Hazel Irvine? Jim Mclean and Kirsty Wark? Graeme Souness and Archie MacPherson ? Now it's that kind of detail that the really prurient amongst us want to know.

Hello, Broken Arrow

I subscribed to the Neil Young fanzine 'Broken Arrow' for many years. While down in the basement searching the archives I came across a pile of old issues. Here are the front and rear covers of BA 45 from 1991.

Pompous Arses

One of my favourite web-sites 'boingboing' (based in California) (click on the heading to go there) has received the undernoted letter from a crowd of pettifoggers from London. It is well worth enlarging this document to see the kind of thing which passes for 'legal' communications these days. In fact it is nothing less than a deliberately threatening letter sent to a recipient who has never had any dealings with their client nor intends to. boingboing's response is characteristically combative and to-the-point - "I just opened a letter sent to Boing Boing from some fools at Baker & McKenzie LLP in London. The letter states that their client, Infront Sports & Media, "anticipates the possibility of unauthorized streaming and downloading of FIFA World Cup matches." The letter goes on to warn Boing Boing that Baker & McKenzie will be "actively monitoring your website ... to identify unlawful activity and will, if necessary, take appropriate action to ensure the protection of Infront's rights of those licenses." Oh brother. I don't even know what the FIFA World Cup is. I'm guessing its soccer, which I hate just as much as any other pro sport. Every editor at Boing Boing detests professional sports, and we would sooner stream a video of a crumpled up paper napkin in the corner of a room than show some jackasses running after a ball. The only time we would ever post anything about pro-sports would be to make fun of them. Baker & McKenzie, be on alert: henceforth, Boing Boing will be actively monitoring your website to identify dumbass activity and will, if necessary, take appropriate action to point out instances of wasting clients' money by sending out unecessary and obnoxious warning letters."

Bad Time To Drop In

We'll Really Shake Them Up

Sven We Win The World Cup 'cos England are the greatest football team Hungary humbled 3-1 on Tuesday And now today Bob Marley and the Wailers put to the sword........ ..........there can only be one conclusion

Get used to it. This is all we'll hear until Sweden knock them out on 20 June World Cup Poem As I was walking to St Ives I met a tarsal

I'm Not Supposed To........

...........eat curry unless I've cooked it myself. The ghee or other saturated fat which makes take-away or restaurant curry so addictively delicious is allegedly bad for one with heart problems. In fact, in many cases, it is the primary cause of heart problems. In cooking it myself I am not to use any cooking oil - in other words my self-made curry is nowhere near as delicious as the ghee-laden time-bomb which can be acquired from the nearest curry-shop. I succumb to the temptation of the take-away occasionally. Every Friday.

A Cross Between a Function and a Ruck......

eg - the Glasgow Bar Association's annual dinner

Here's Georgie

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." —George W. Bush, on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006 It's quite high on the embarrassment-o-meter when your Chief Executive has his best moment catching a fish, but it goes off the end of the scale when even that turns out not to be strictly true - despite their name, largemouth perch are fairly small fish as a rule and prior to Dubya's amazing feat the largest one caught in Texas was 1.4lbs - at a stroke George raised the bar by nearly 600% - or alternatively he was telling porkies - again. You decide. PS - Yeah, I know that stuff about largemouth perch is not strictly accurate - it is possible that he caught one at 7.5 pounds, but we should not let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Dali back at Kelvingrove

We don't really need an excuse to show Dali's masterpiece, but here is the BBC story which provides that excuse:- Dali piece returns to Kelvingrove One of Scotland's best loved paintings has been returned to its "spiritual home". Salvador Dali's Christ Of St John Of The Cross has been re-hung at Glasgow's Kelvingrove Art Gallery more than 50 years after it was first unveiled. The painting was bought for £8,200 in 1952 and is now said to be worth tens of millions. It had been exhibited at another city museum from 1993 but was returned to Kelvingrove to mark its reopening. The art gallery and museum has undergone a three-year, £30m refurbishment and will open next month. The piece by the Spanish surrealist artist, which shows the figure of Christ on the cross from above, was recently voted Scotland's best loved painting in a newspaper poll. Glasgow Lord Provost Liz Cameron unveiled the work on Friday. She described it as Glasgow's greatest painting and said Kelvingrove was its "spiritual home". "This makes a trip to Kelvingrove all the more essential for any visitor to Glasgow," she added. The title of the painting was said to have been inspired by a drawing made by a Spanish Carmelite friar who was canonised as St John of The Cross in the 16th Century. It was made after the saint had a vision in which he saw the crucifixion from above. Dali painted his crucifixion scene set above the rocky harbour of his home village of Port Lligat in Spain.

What Time Is It?

My Favourite Books

Number 13 - For The Sake of Argument - Christopher Hitchens Away back in February, I raved enthusiastically about Hitchens' book 'Love, Poverty and War'. Rather than repeat myself I have chosen another collection of his writings on various topics in the form of 'For The Sake of Argument' though I think perhaps the other book has a slight edge. Christopher Hitchens is one of the leading intellectuals of our age. Although apparently a product of the British 'left' he has come more and more to be identified with his own self-styled war on 'Islamofascism' and for a 'leftie' he has found himself in the peculiar position of supporting many of Dubya's 'initiatives' including the war in Iraq. Whether you agree with what he says or not, you must admire the courage with which he speaks his mind in relation to matters which many of his contemporaries find too hot or dangerous. For example, his support for fellow-scribe Salman Rushdie was unqualified and unstinting right from the proclamation of the fatwa - unlike many other gutless wonders who disappeared like snow off a dyke at the first hint of danger. Hitchens is a person who will literally defend freedom of speech to the death. The pieces in this collection were written post-Rushdie but pre-bin Laden, so that Hitchens views on the current world situation cannot be found here. But in his article on Rushdie one can see the genesis of his current position - "one must side with Salman Rushdie not because he is an underdog but because there is no other side to be on". Elsewhere he revisits Dealey Plaza in reviewing DeLillo's book 'Libra' about Dallas '63 - rails against first Governor then President Clinton - assesses the Labour Party under Neil Kinnock - reviews Andrew Morton's book about Diana Spencer - waxes lyrical in support of booze and fags - critiques inter alia Nixon, Kissinger, PJ O'Rourke, Warhol, James Baldwin, PG Wodehouse and C.L.R James - and ranges over the whole spectrum of current political and cultural life. All of it accomplished in his trademark mordantly witty style. I find all of this vastly entertaining - especially the bits I totally disagree with. I think Hitchens is an acquired taste - I have acquired it. In February I recounted the amusing spat between Hitchens and George Galloway. By way of illustration of Hitchens style here is a quote from his most recent piece about Galloway in Slate online magazine 30th May 2006 - "Galloway is a member of Parliament by the grace of an electorate in the East End of London but is widely regarded as a corrupt scumbag, an egomaniac, an apologist for tyranny, and a supporter of jihad.......... .............It was a busy week for Galloway. He went to Cuba and publicly embraced Fidel Castro on television, saying that the aging caudillo was a "lion" in a political world populated by "monkeys." The main distinction between Castro and his neighbors, however simian some of them might be, is that he is the only one left in Latin America and the Caribbean who does not submit himself for election. This seems to be the difference that appeals most to Galloway. In both Britain and America, this fawning and cowardly and sinister jerk is considered a hero of the "anti-war" movement. He is, in fact, an excuse-maker for totalitarianism and an apologist for nihilistic religious violence. How long before the democratic left starts to refuse him a platform and make him stand on his own? Some of us will be watching." You know that I'm a big fan of both Galloway and Hitchens, so this ongoing feud between the pair of them is richly comic and highly entertaining, though of course there is a deadly serious side to it as well.

Oh Blogger ! Firefox sake what's going on ?

Spoke too soon with Blogger and photos - it's all completely firefoxed again

World Cup Gone Wrong

I lift the undernoted amusing article (which neatly combines my two obsessions) in its entirety from another blog (Hot In A Cold Cause), which you can go to by clicking on the heading above : Who does Bob Dylan support in the World Cup? The obvious answer is the United States, as they're one of the thirty-two finalists, but why would anyone, even an American, want the USA to win the World Cup? Before we get started we should address the question of whether Dylan supports anyone in the World Cup or if he's interested in the sport at all. After all a recent edition of his radio show, Theme Time Radio Hour, was devoted to the theme of baseball, and at one point during the show Dylan called baseball the greatest game in the world. This proves nothing. Theme Time Radio Hour is sent out on satellite radio and available exclusively in the United States, and if history has proved anything, it's that Dylan will always pander to a particular audiences' taste. We also have to get around the fact that he wrote a song named after a baseball player, Catfish, all about the late great A's and Yankees reliever Catfish Hunter. It's almost certain that Dylan didn't write the song out of any love for baseball though; he just liked the name Catfish. Who wouldn't? Back to the World Cup then. If Dylan isn't going for the USA, maybe somewhere with a family background. In his memoir, Chronicles, Dylan says his grandmother was from a small town in Turkey, near the Armenian border, but neither country made it to Germany this year. Maybe he'd choose to support a country whose playing style he could relate to. The likely candidates- Brazil, too obvious. They're probably going to win anyway and if they do, Dylan, along with the rest of us, will be hoping they do it with the style of their 1970 (Blonde on Blonde) or 1982 (Highway 61 Revisited) sides. Unless you've got a very good reason never go with the favourite, you'll look like a bandwagon jumper and Dylan's' never been one of those. Holland are a possibility but they've traditionally been an argumentative bunch- think of Dylan's difficulties with his record producers as described in a 2001 Rome interview. Speaking of Rome, Italy could be in his thoughts. In the same interview Dylan expressed an admiration for the country but, with a cloud of scandal hanging over the current squad, he will probably want to distance himself from any controversy. No one really likes watching England play soccer, not even the English. They don't keep the ball long enough to establish any recognizable style of play and without Wayne Rooney they'll struggle even more this time around. However England tend to provide the most memorable and emotionally draining performances in major tournaments. This is comparable to Dylan's "born-again" period, best experienced by listening to the Massey Hall bootleg concert. Raw, committed and unapologetically passionate, but you wouldn't want to live there. Now Dylan has always supported the underdog throughout his life so we'll have to consider the case of the Ivory Coast or Angola. The closest we can get to any possible impulse towards these teams is in his song Mozambique, where Dylan expressed the desire to visit that country but we can't be sure if he ever made it or was even serious. Besides, neither team is expected to go far in the tournament and there's no point in choosing to support a country that's likely to go out before the knock-out stage. The World Cup is a long event and you need to be backing a side that will take you to the final rounds if you're going to get the most out of it. This is all speculation, we've got to get to the facts. The only known Bob Dylan song mentioning soccer is Goin' to Acapulco from the Basement Tapes, recorded with the future members of the Band. The boys join in with Dylan on the chorus, which goes Goin' to Acapulco Goin' on the run Goin' down to see soccer Goin' to have some fun Yeah Goin' to have some fun In the first edition of Dylan's Lyrics this is rendered as Goin' down to see some girl. Some girl? Dylan and the Band are going down to see some some girl? What, all of them? Who would write that? In a more recent edition the lyric has been changed yet again. This time they're goin' down to see fat gut. This is just idiocy. Listen to the damn thing. It's definitely soccer and that's the end of it. Incidentally, we might like to ponder at this point the role of the Band in this saga. We don't know if Levon Helm is playing on this particular song. He wasn't present on all the Basement Tapes recordings and as the only American in the Band, he probably wouldn't be pre-disposed to soccer. Unlike the rest of the group, who were all Canadians, and would have had more of a grasp of the sport. Dylan himself is nearly, if not secretly, Canadian, being from northern Minnesota. OK, so Dylan and his gang are heading south to see some soccer and, if they're going to Acapulco, unfortunately they didn't think ahead. They would have found on arrival that Acapulco doesn't have a Primera Division soccer club. They would have had to have settled for a lower league game or even an amateur match, but there's no disgrace in that. In fact supporting a lower league club is often a more morally uplifting endeavour (see I took you close I got what I deserved somewhere else on this blog). There's evidence from other Basement Tapes songs that the trip was a good one- Hills of Mexico, Spanish is the Loving Tongue and The Spanish Song, an outrageous piece of drunkenness, where Dylan and the boys chase the girls around the cantina. A few years after recording these songs Dylan would go back to Mexico to act in a Sam Peckinpah movie, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, and the experience inspired him to write the song Romance in Durango (hot chilli peppers in the blistering sun) which appeared on his album Desire (see above). My vinyl copy of Desire is dedicated to Peckinpah, Allen Ginsberg and Emmett Grogan. Throw Dylan himself and violinist Scarlet Rivera into the mix and you've got a pretty tenacious five-a-side team. So there it is- Bob Dylan will be supporting Mexico in the World Cup and, after England go out, so will I.

Nice One, Cyril (Reprise)

Blogger working again?

If you can see the photo here, then it seems that Blogger is fit and working again

Photobucket

After a day of extreme frustration caused by the twin facts that most, if not all, Blogger users have been unable to post photographs AND that the Blogger authorities apparently do not accept that that is the case (and certainly don't know what to do about it) I have found another web-site which hosts your photos and enables uploading to the blog. This therefore is an advert for Photobucket. For all your image-hosting needs click on the heading to go to the Photobucket site. If all has gone according to plan there should now be a photo of Oliver Reed illustrating the After Dark story below - courtesy of Photobucket. Yee-hah!!!