Cook Book

'Tragically I Was An Only Twin' - The Complete Peter Cook About once every three or four years I do a bit of after-dinner speaking, and I always try to utilise what to me is the funniest single phrase ever thought of, namely, "I was just remarking to my own dear lady wife, whose name for the moment escapes me..........". I have Peter Cook to thank for that one........and for countless other bon mots of a similar sort, including the title of this book. The blurb on the jacket contains a quote from Stephen Fry describing Cook as, "the funniest man who ever drew breath", and there is plenty evidence for that assertion contained in the book which is a compilation of some of Cook's scripts or other written work. Of course, the principal reason why Cook is so revered amongst his former associates and the succeeding generation of comedians is because of his staggering ability to be spontaneously funny ALL THE TIME. He never switched off, and there is ample evidence that his private conversations were capable of reducing gatherings of even the cream of comedians to a state of utter helplessness, as they choked and had seizures while he extemporised at length with his trademark straight face. To be found herein are classic scripts from 'Beyond the Fringe' (Cook as the Policeman investigating the Great Train Robbery - "Well, we believe this to be the work of thieves, and I'll tell you why. .......the tell-tale loss of property - that's one of the signs we look for, the snatching away of the money substances - it all points to thieves".) (Cook as theatre director auditioning one-legged man for the role of Tarzan "..the leg division....you are deficient in it - to the tune of one.......I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is - neither have you".) 'Sitting on the Bench' ("Yes, I could have been a judge but I never had the Latin, never had the Latin for the judging........so I became a miner instead. I managed to get through the mining exams...being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go. Well, the very opposite applies with judges......) 'E.L Wisty' ("I've been reading a very interesting book recently. It's called 'The Universe and all that Surrounds It'.....it's about seventy pages long so it's fairly comprehensive about the whole thing.....") 'Derek and Clive' ( In which the art of swearing reaches new undreamt of levels - on a family show like this it is almost impossible to give an example - but here's an example - Derek "..the other day some bloke came up to me and he said "you c**t".......Clive "Yeah. And you replied, "You f***ing c**t"". ------It seriously degenerates from there - I love it) and much much more, including Not Only But Also, Pete'n'Dud, Behind the Fridge etc etc. The next time you are passing through an airport or train station and see this book as part of a 3for2 offer or suchlike, snap it up and have a good laugh. "....I've always been after the trappings of great luxury, you see, I really, really have. But all I've got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings......."